The self and religion

I think I've finally figured out an approach to religion that will work for me: a focus on others verses myself. In Mormonism, you have to swim upstream to practice religion this way, but, so be it. When I measure my "activity" based on how I treat others, religion makes all kinds of sense. I can better understand why God would institute religion when it is understood as a tool to help us (make us) care for each other. And I've never had a problem with the golden rule, etc. But religion bites when it becomes a lifestyle of endless self-scrutiny and self-examination. In retrospect, I realize that there are many things I should have done but failed to do because I was too afraid of "crossing the line" or pushing buttons. When crossing the line involves compromising your integrity or the spiritual/phsyical health of someone else, sure, restraint is necessary. I can deal with complexity. It's just this endless pursuit of perfection that DOESN'T make me happy like they say it will. That whole "Plan of Happiness" slogan is pure propaganda...and the myth that happy families and happy lives exist only within the church is bs. Mormon culture definitely keeps that myth in circulation; a singles ward I attended (and soon fled for my old family ward!) had an activities committee dubbed "The Good Life Committee." What in the hell does that mean?! Anyway, to repeat myself, when I measure my activity in the gospel in terms of how I treat others instead of how perfect and worthy I am, I feel so much happier. Not only does it motivate me to do service, but it gives me the freedom and space I need to not always feel shiny, happy, bright, and perfect. The art I love doesn't come from that safe place. My own art doesn't come from that safe place. So should I always feel unsettled with who I am? Do I have to white-wash everything to practice my religion? It goes against my conscience.