Happiness Meter

Alright, so I've just been dragging my poor mom through all these issues and she can't take it any more! (She'd never say that, but I know where to draw the lines!) Well, I just can't stop this. This has to come out! I finally understand something else, I guess I'm knuckleheaded not to have realized it before. I have a strong tendency towards "cognitive dissonance." I'm way too tired to explain what this is, just google it. Anyway, my happiness is dependent on how in line I think my life is with my values. Sounds obvious. But I think a lot of people actually live counter to their values, sometimes without knowing it. Well, it helps me to understand why I don't feel great about things even though I have everything my culture says should make me happy. I'm young, smart, pretty, successful, well-off. I could never figure out why I'm not, um, walking on water as they say. But that's not enough. So long as I'm living out of line with my conscience, I will never be happy....But what's made this such a process is that I've abided by the best values my society and religion have to offer. I'm hard working in school, respectful of my parents, morally clean, never touched a drink or cigarette. But I don't have a clean conscience because I'm getting sucked on that materialistic, selfish career track.