Tension

Given how much I worry about things, it's a miracle I don't have atherosclerosis by now. What would I be like if I had to live with real stress? I'd be dead, baby. Dead.

Well, I'm experiencing some mild satisfaction at this moment: the witch hunt has come to an end. I think I've finally identified thhe source of my tension. I just can't decide what can be changed and what must be accepted. I constantly berate myself with the invetiable question: what is more courageous? To thrash about, critisize, suffer, take a stand? Or to accept, lower the blood pressure, enjoy the day?

I feel that I'm at a pivotal time in my life as a young person. One side of me says that the world would be a much better place if everyone rose up against their crappy jobs, politicians, and cultural institutions. That's how revolutions happen, right? When people get angry. Anger is the most cleansing emotion. That said, none of us know how long we're going to live. Perhaps the wiser person peacefully acknowledges that life is hard, that a debt must be paid to society, etc. This allows them to walk away from their labors with some resolution and self-respect.

Coming from the other camp, I'm so angry at school that it's taken a toll on my self-esteem. How can I feel good about myself when my life is so enmeshed in this system I berate all day? How can I be happy doing something I don't believe in? What about that inevitable 8-5 job in the office, or caring for snot-nosed kids? Should I/can I diss it or accept it...or WHAT?!